What’s in a Title?

So this is completely random, but then again, those who know me, know I am completely random most of the time. Anyway, after a pretty long and extensive conversation with a guy friend of mine, I have to pose this question: Is having the title “Boyfriend or Girlfriend” important. AND if it is, why?

My thoughts on this topic where that titles are sometimes needed to give people a sense of commitment. I also felt like those titles serve as necessary boundaries, in place to show the progression toward something bigger (I’m personally too old to just date for “fun”).

NOW…after talking to my guy friend, I may have a different point of view.

According to him, titles put a strain on relational values, they compromise a persons freedom of choice and effects a persons overall judgment in negative ways. Titles are for people who harbor insecurities and need guidelines for their actions. He also suggests that people will always do what they want to do, regardless of what relational title they may have. Titles were used in high school. The older you get, the less they matter. An engagement, however, is a title that means something.

Actions speak louder than words. If you cant tell by his actions, then what’s in a word” –HIM

I kinda feel him. Looking from that perspective, titles are more childish. Think about it, when you fill out a form it says: Married / Single / Divorced …nowhere does it say boyfriend or girlfriend.

Welp guys, I know I didn’t really digg deep into this topic, but that’s because I’m on the fence. On one hand I feel if you really want to be in a relationship with someone, then a title may help to make it clear to the world. On the other hand, if you have that title but you still do whatever the hell you want to do (extra curricular activities), then does it even matter. I slightly felt like my guy friend used his position as a cop-out on commitment. But then again, like he said, why do u need a title if he is doing everything he should be. So damn.

What do you think?

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I am me and I do things that I do. What of it?

9 thoughts on “What’s in a Title?”

  1. According to the school of thought you presented there is really no more value in the concept of marriage than there is in a regular non-married relationship. All things equal, if the couple in a marriage are doing what they need to do then why bother with marriage, why not shack up permanently…

    That said, an engagement is no more valuable than again, a regular non-married relationship. If the intent is to get married why bother with the formalities of a formal engagement? Let alone a marriage…

    The truth is, value comes from those who perceive it. A diamond is a stone like any other, and there are stones far more precious/rare than diamonds yet gram for gram diamonds reign supreme. Why is this? Because a diamond represents beauty. Their exorbitant price usually puts diamonds well above the affordability of most people. So to have worked and saved to afford a worthy diamond shows commitment. It also shows status. But if someone isn’t capable of perceiving the beauty of a diamond, or the value of its representative commitment, or acknowledge its status, that diamond will be just another rock.

    If someone doesn’t assign value to something its because they don’t value it. More particularly in this situation, its a quick cop-out to say “Well you knew you’re NOT my woman!” when he eventually bores and chooses to explore other options.

    The question is, will you uphold YOUR standard… or lower your standard to something more agreeable and turn out to be just another rock? Take it from somebody whose been there, and watched others do it, only a rock-head would do that.

  2. I feel as if titles are not necessary, I do believe that they put strain on things…but I also feel that if you have a strong communication ground, then there should not be any confusion on what things are, that means all the “extra curricular” if you guys are serious are totally innapropriate, but like you said some will use titles as a cop-out for a misunderstanding. Relationships are what you make them, some people do strive on titles for security, but if you know what you have is valid and like then don’t stress the small stuff, because there is only one title that is ultimate (fiance’..husband or wife)…. GREAT TOPIC! πŸ™‚

  3. Titles define what you are to another individual. just like with brothers, sisters, aunts, cousins etc; grant it they’re all your family but not everyone is your friend. You’re are born into your family but overtime friendships may or may not bloom. Thats kind of how I feel about this topic of relationships … yes, in the beginning its okay to be “just friends” b/c one is still trying to feel things out i.e “do I even like him/her? is one a potential mate? how long will it take for one to change? what is the background of this person? does one constantly nag? satisfy me? is one really FLI or was it just a front?” etc… you know true colors of an individual. but overtime of dating and one feeling as though you are the significant other than whats wrong w/ a title?!?!?
    Agreed, actions do speak louder than words and a title should not be the key determinant to what you are to another, but it is more concrete to what you are and your role in that relationship. What sets the certain individual aside from any of ones other friends? I find it being a cop out…
    Agreed “boyfriend/girlfriend” roles can be h.s. but that would only be caused by lack of maturity. As an adult there is no way that you would see your relationship as “h.s.” unless there is immaturity going on. How long can one just be “friends”??? until one is legally married? b/c we can’t say that you are “with” someone b/c you’re engaged. like Tay said the form says Married/single/Divorced it doesnt say “engaged”. And if you can be someones fiance’, then why can’t you be someones gf/bf? what stage comes before engaged? just a friend??? hmmm… that doesnt sit very well…
    Like Steve Harvey said when a man really wants one to be “his” he will 1.PROFESS- meaning he will claim you as his Woman/ Lady in other words his girlfriend, there will be no guessing or “we’re something like that” or “yeah, we’re basically together” it will be concrete.
    I dont believe that titles are meant for security, b/c one can have the title and still be insecure, but I do believe that it shows a certain level of commitment and progression towards your future together. Again like Tay said “I’m personally too old to just date for “fun”” lol
    The problem is too many have just dated for fun and have not set mandatory standards, so men will continue to just get by w/o being fully committed meaning title included. People are afraid to commit for various and mind boggling reasons, and people do put too much strain on titles in the sense that one may do too much or just simply become brand new, when really nothing should change besides positive growth in the relationship. People don’t know how to respect the title and I do believe that if you don’t respect the title then you dont deserve the title. hmmm, in retrospect “if you cant respect and WANT to be committed to me then you dont deserve to “be w/ me”… And some have abused the title which have taken away from its significance, but there need to be people that can be a positive example of what a REAL and TRUE, FAITHFUL and JUST committed relationship w/ a title included should look like. besides Jay-Z and Beyonce’… There is sooo much that can cover this topic that I could go on for ever, majoring in Psychology, specializing in AA relations and the black male mind I have to bring this to an end. lol

  4. Point and case @ Beloved. You hit it on the head.

    Tay: Not sure what you mean, playing the role is to be the role. If what you are saying is that you can play around in a pseudo-committed relationship then you’re contradicting your earlier statement that you are “too old to date for fun” –to paraphrase.

    But back to the topic of whether titles mean anything or not and how “mature” it is to be considered someones bf/gf here we go:

    A title only has value to someone who respects its value. I could call myself the Grand-Poobah but nobody in their right mind would care and that title wouldn’t have value.

    If you strip yourself of a title, you strip yourself, in many ways, of value. Could you imagine called a Supreme Court Judge “homie?” Or what about a married man called his wife “my bitch.” Neither of the two are acceptable because they fall below the standard set by what the title demands.

    Beloved is right, titles aren’t there to instill a sense of security. If you were secure before no title will make you feel better and that, more often than not, is not the fault of the other party. But titles to uphold expectations and values inherent in their definitions. And to strip yourself of a title, is to strip yourself of value and the expectations which accompany it.

  5. {β€œI can play the role, but I cant be the role…” -Angry Woman } a friend of mine made this comment

  6. I got a quick question for anybody who cares to answer:

    For the past few years I’ve watched a friend of mine be with a guy that is TOTALLY not right for her. We are the same age, 23, and she met her boyfriend when we were 15… he was in 23 at the time!

    Anyway, back then I had sense enough to tell her that any man that old has a problem if he considers himself seriously dating a 15 year old girl. That problem being either (1) he can’t get a woman his age for lack of maturity or (2) he truly has a desire to be with much younger women. She blew me off, and oddly enough her mother didn’t mind the relationship.

    So my friend fell head over heals in love with this guy, a total scrub. He wasn’t making any kind of real money which isn’t a problem if he were trying to better himself with a college education or something, but he wasn’t. What little money he was making he spent on buying hoopty’s and hooking them up with rims and a stereo. After we graduated HS he moved her into his mothers basement with him!

    So fast forward to today, 8 years later and though his career situation hasn’t moved very much my friend has graduated college and is making big bucks. Beyond that, 8 yeas later they are not married, have no plans to get married, and all she has for investing 8 years of her life into this relationship is a child with a man who apparently has no interest in getting married. So again, 8 years later and all she has to show for it is… having a baby by him.

    So I ask her… when are you guys getting married? And she gets upset, hangs up and stops talking to me. I guess I hit a nerve.

    I guess my question is two-fold and is somewhat relevant to the above conversation in that the man is saying “we don’t have to get married, we have it all right now!” but anyway…

    Question 1: Why do women constantly choose scrubs? Its not like the scrub came out after 2 or 3 years… the guy in the above situation is as much a scrub as he was day 1.

    Question 2: When its clear the guy is a scrub, why bother defending him?

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