Random Thoughts Always Lead To Why I’m Single?
As I sit at my desk devouring a turkey and cheese lunchable, I can’t help but reflect. Even though it is 2:30 a.m., I worked every part of my body playing wii earlier, and I have just taken a double shot of NyQuil in my feebish attempts to beat the flu…I am not sleepy. I am never sleepy though. My mind seems to always be in a constant thought process about something. For the entire weekend I’ve been thinking about my life in general. My past, my future, my friendships, my relationships, my goals, etc..
Today is a snow day in Georgia. For many people this means a day off to relax. For me this is pure bull crap because everything I’ve ever had to get done, needed to be done today. Life goes on right? Of course. So instead of being pissed the entire day, I am going to find something creative to do at home. Perhaps I will make a video and post it on my blog of what I come up with.
Random thought. In the last year, it seems like being a single person has become my speciality. I hate that when I reflect I always digress to something about relationships or sex (both of which are absent in my life). Ah well, here goes nothing…While flings and dates have come and gone, leaving me with less than cool memories, my current single status has never left my side. Old faithful.
On one hand I am completely cool with my relational status. It gets lonely sometimes, but I understand that I have a lot of personal growth that needs to happen before I can out right commit to someone. I know I can be a brat (I’m a daddy’s girl, what did you expect?), crave attention, freak out at the drop of a dime, and all types of other crazy ish. I need to get that under control before I run a good man away (this is my mantra). But then it’s like, I know all the issues I have, but he doesn’t so what’s the problem? Why hasn’t a guy come knocking down my door for me to explain “Baby, you’re awesome, I’m just not ready right now.”? When I talk to some of my guy friends they always fill my ears with praises of how wonderful I am, how smart I am, how pretty I am, how funny I am, how lucky some guy is going to be, etc.. but none of them tell me why that lucky man hasn’t found me yet? Ancient Chinese secret much? And some of them even say, at your age as long as you are working toward something productive with your life, guys don’t really care. You’re too hard on yourself. They’re the provider, etc etc. So basically that means, a dude should be cool with all my little issues as long as I show signs of growth? Sign me up.
(excuse my scatter brain).
Women are hopeless. Hopeless romantics, that is. We want a love like “The Notebook,” but it usually ends up looking more like “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days”…without the happily ever after. Moving along…
Another random thought. I discussed pet peeves today with my homeboy. Interesting that my list was a lot longer than his. I think I hate everything. But hate is usually a reflection of the dissatisfaction you have with yourself. Things that make you go um. One pet peeve that he had was “Laziness in a woman”. Kudos. I’m just going to say it, women have gotten really lazy. If I hear about one more chick who could do this and that, but doesn’t actually do anything…I’m going to scream. What ever happened to the independent movement (although I did not completely agree with it)? I mean, I’ve had conversations with some chicks out here and the only thing they talked about was some dude that was taking care of them. Has it come down to this yet again? Step back and let a man work, provide and spoil you, then in return you sit in the back seat and enjoy the ride. Get off your ass please.
By all means, let a man be a man. You don’t have to be lazy though. I have a cousin who is in a serious relationship with a ball player. She is in a position that would allow her to sit at home and take care of her son. But does she? Naw, she graduated undergrad at a university early, went back and got her masters degree, is now in Law School, and started a nonprofit. I have a friend who interned at CNN for 3 years (unpaid), before landing her actual job there now. She volunteers with her church and her job, takes care of a dog and enjoys her life. She doesn’t have a ball player, but she has drive and doesn’t understand what “lazy” is. My point is, with or without a man laziness should never be an option.
The thing is, I have a freaking novel full of crap that I want to say, but my fingers are freezing off…so I will reflect some more in the next few days. Think of this as part 1.